The Paper (NBC) Transcript

Oh!

OSCAR:
The Truth Teller was nominated

in this year's
Ohio Journalism Awards.

You heard right.
The Truth Teller.

Three times, in fact.

Mare for her great story
on the Softees clog,

Ned
for The Truth Telleritself,

and a fresh-faced new upstart,
heh, named Oscar Martinez

for the Mr. Digit Puzzle.
Best New Game.

I can't remember the last time
The Truth Teller won something.

Thank you, thank you.

I'd like to say
this means a lot,

but all it represents really
is a year of backbreaking,

liver-destroying work

that nearly put me
in the hospital.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

-Hey, Ned.
-How you doing?

-Did you meet my husband?
-Luke Putnam.

-Oh!
MARV: My brother.

Yes! Yes, yes. I see
the resemblance. Very cool.

You didn't bring someone
for, uh, moral support?

God, no, no.
I don't need any moral support.

You only need support
if you care about winning.

It's just not a big deal
either way.

Mm.

What is not a big deal?

NED: Oh, my God.
LUKE & MARV: Whoa.

NED: Uh, winning. I don't think
winning's a big deal.

-Spinning?
-Winning.

Oh, you really said winning.

-[LAUGHS]
-I did, yeah.

That's bullshit.
Winning's always better.

I don't think it is.

I think sometimes
it's actually worse.

How?

Well, if you need validation
from strangers...

Is that a rabbit's foot
in your hand?

No, no. This is, um...
[CLICKS TONGUE]

It's part of a dead mouse
I found in the street. So...

It's not a mouse
and it's not a rabbit's foot.

I cut the leg off
my childhood stuffed animal

so that I can rub it
whenever I want.

I mean, it's possible

my subconscious
has some desire for awards,

'cause I dream about it
constantly

but as long as I shove
that desire back down

when I wake up...

everything's fine.

Oh, look! Mare's here!

And her date.

Ah.

I hope they have
a pleasant evening.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[GLASSES CLINK]

ADAM: Summer and I
really needed this.

Oscar gave me his plus one
and all I had to do

was promise to match
his purchase orders to invoices

for the entire month of July.

But like, July's weeks away.
And look at that woman go.

What?

-You look beautiful, sweetie.
-Thank you so much!

ANN: Good to see you too.
MARV: No. You?

NED: Me too? Okay.
MARV: Yes!

KEN: There's Marv's table.
Social summit.

We should be here.

-Nate, glad you could make it.
-Oh, thank you.

-Oh, careful!
-Uh, sorry!

-Sober one month.
MARV: Bravest man I know.

Congrats.

I'm very proud of this.

Gave the guy
a bottle of whiskey for it.

-Hello, everybody.
-Hello, everybody.

-Hi.
-Hi, Oscar.

I'm sorry, I think
you're at the wrong table.

Table 14.

Right, I'm sorry.
Fifteen, but we should be 14.

Fifteen's over there.

-[SUMMER LAUGHING]
-Aww! [SMACKS LIPS]

ESMERALDA:
Is that a joke?

Is that somebody's funny joke?

Wowee. Making it look like
we're at the kids' table.

Maybe because I look so young.

-It's not that.
-No.

I mean...

[KEN SIGHS]

-Okay.
BARRY: Oh...

-Mommy, Daddy.
-Mommy.

-Hi!
-Hi!

What are you doing here?

Well, we thought
we'd bring them down

to say goodnight to you guys.

We already said goodnight.

They wanted to again.

Oh, did you?

Okay, well,
you guys are gonna go

with your Uncle Travis
and Auntie Adelola.

JAMES: Aah...
-Ugh!

SUMMER:
Head back-- Back, okay?

-What a night.
-Yes.

What a night.

Have you two met my father?

Oh, Jesus wept.

Oh, my God. Are you kidding me?

Dude. Is it-- Man!
You absolutely rock, dude.

It's nice to meet you.

TRAVIS: Theo rolls coal.
I follow him on YouTube.

You get a diesel truck,
you take off the carburetor,

you lock the brakes,
you floor it,

and all this black smoke--

Hello, hello.
--goes everywhere.

Isn't that cool?

It's very bad
for the environment.

I cannot believe
I just met Theo.

Mare, put a ring
on that thing, for real.

NED: All right, Travis,
no one needs to know

about your backwoods
viewing habits.

No offense, you can go to bed.

-Okay.
-See you tomorrow.

MARE: Do I think
Ned is a little jealous?

I don't know.

Hey, isn't that the girl
you're dating?

[GLORIA LAUGHS]

The weather girl
you're hooking up with?

DETRICK: Oh!
-Uh-oh!

Is your whole rotation here?
[CHUCKLES]

Yeah, yeah.
It's Gloria Tornado.

She's hot.
Are you gonna say hi?

[CHUCKLES]

"Hi" would be pretty tame
for us.

I'm gonna say a lot more
than "hi" tomorrow.

Yeah, yeah. If I start it,

it's not gonna stop at "hi,"
believe me.

Okay.
Well, maybe I'll go say hello.

And, um,
we can compare notes on you.

-[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
-Mm?

Good evening,

and welcome to the 63rd
Annual Excellence Awards

of the Ohio Press Association.

[ALL APPLAUDING]

I heard
the chef is from Chicago.

How exciting is this evening,
right?

Yes, it's good to be back.

It's been a few years.
Hasn't it?

JEOFFRY:
...to turn our eyes away

from the broader world
around us.

I need to distance myself
from Esmeralda.

I'm getting swept away
in her mediocrity.

A prestige shift is happening.

Oscar now has the ear of Marv
and that is a dangerous thing.

Accountants have a nasty habit
of getting rid of dead weight,

which was my nickname at school,
and before.

-[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
-Nannies can be very cruel.

[MARV COUGHS]

Oh, my God, no.

Marv's choking
and I'm not there.

I'm supposed to be
the back-patter!

Oh yes, the Putnams
have very narrow esophagi.

The Oregon branch of the family
was completely wiped out

after their wagon train
passed through a cherry farm.

KEN:
Mm.

-Ken, can I-- Can I help you?
-No, I'm good.

And now,
"New Game of the Year."

This award honors a designer
or news organization

for exceptional engagement
in print games.

[QUIETLY]
Come on.

And New Game of the Year
goes to...

Oscar Martinez
for Mister Digit!

The Toledo Truth Teller.

[ALL CHEERING]

Hey, it's good!
It's good either way.

MARE: Yeah!
-Don't change.

Don't change, though.

ESMERALDA:
Thank you!

I-- I'd be just as proud
if he lost.

Oh, my God. Just admit you want
something for once. [CHUCKLES]

You know what?
I want to dedicate... [SIGHS]

...this win to a group

that doesn't get
enough attention,

the documentary film crew
that's been following me around

for the better part
of 20 years.

I'm sorry
I pushed you guys away before.

I think you guys are the only
ones who really see me.

And, um...

I guess I was put on earth
to be a documentary subject.

And I never told you guys this

but sometimes I answer, uh,

interview questions
in my dreams.

-[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
-[SIGHS]

So, there you have that.

And they're playing me out now,
which is pretty cool.

Um... Uh...

I need to thank Marv Putnam.

-[APPLAUSE]
-Marv, thank you

for ignoring the naysayers.

And for believing in us.

Thank you, Marv!

KEN: When he says naysayers,
he means me.

I can only see one way
out of this.

I need to save Marv's life.

Tonight.

-[JAZZY UPBEAT RIFF PLAYS]
-[APPLAUSE]

-Your category's up soon.
-Oh, I know.

Unlike you, I'm not pretending
I don't care.

God, it just feels so ridiculous
to even be nominated.

I think it would be ridiculous
if you didn't win.

[SIGHS]

...Don Lye
for "Kroger Wage Violations",

Mare Pritti
for "Softees Clogs Toledo",

Kelcy Fist for ""P" and "G"
A Flood of Greenwashing",

[WOMAN WHOOPS]

and Huey Cheang

for "Ohio State Admissions
Explained."

And the winner is...

Mare Pritti
for Toledo Truth Teller.

-Oh, my God!
-[SCREAMS]

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Get over here!

MARE [LAUGHING]:
Oh, my God!

[CHEERING, WHOOPING]

Yeah! Whoo!

-We did this together!
-No, we didn't.

-We did this together! Wow!
-No, we didn't.

-Whoo!
-No, no.

-Thank you. Oh, my God. [LAUGHS]
-[SIGHS]

Okay. Um...

When I first started here
at the Toledo Truth Teller,

I wasn't even sure I would write
an article I'd be proud of, heh,

let alone winning an award.

Um... I mean, five months ago,

I was pulling articles
off a wire,

ranking the arches
on Love Islanders'feet.

[LAUGHTER]

Sorry,
my heart is racing so fast.

Okay, I need to thank
my first editor-in-chief,

Sergeant Jones, the only editor
who can make you drop

and give you 50 pushups if you
misuse the word "hopefully."

My high school English teacher,
shout out to Mr. Jenkins.

And finally,
I need to thank Ned Sampson...

-[APPLAUSE]
-...our editor-in-chief,

my editor-in-chief.

He gave me an opportunity
that changed my life.

And he tends to do that
with people, so thank you.

All you need to do to make
a dream come true is chase it.

Don't stop chasing.

Thank you, Ned.

I can't wait to celebrate
with you tonight.

[APPLAUSE]

[LAUGHS AWKWARDLY]

NATE:
That's awesome, Mare.

[SQUEALS, LAUGHS]

I can't believe I won
an award for journalism.

It's just, uh...

I don't know,
it's hard to believe

how hopeful I feel right now.

I feel like, uh,
anything could happen.

-Ohio Award!
-[LAUGHS]

Theo and I, um,
we go back to seventh grade.

He's a bozo, but we bring
each other to stuff sometimes.

This year,
we have felt the loss

of some of Ohio's
most treasured journalists.

Let us take a moment
to honor them.

[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

-[MICROPHONE FEEDBACK]
-[AUDIENCE GASPS]

-Good evening, my colleagues.
-[PIANO MUSIC STOPS]

Keep playing, maestro.

[PIANO MUSIC RESUMES]

My name is Esmeralda Grand,

and I'm so very sad
for all these dead people.

It's so sad to be dead.

* Oh, sad, dead journalist *

* You made
Your final deadline *

[AUDIENCE SHUSHES]

Oh, yes, please.

Respect to the dead.

* You are gone *

* Sad dead journalist
You are gone *

* And no one will read you
Anymore *

R.I.P.!

-[MICROPHONE FEEDBACK]
-[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]

[SIGHS]
Thank you, thank you, guys.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

DETRICK:
Hey, hey, hey.

Don't, please, don't.

You specifically told me that
you were dating other people,

but I was the only person
you've been seeing.

Glori-- Gloria and I,
we-we just went...

We went to go get drinks,
right?

I-I don't know
how it happened. I was--

I don't know,
one thing led to another,

and we didn't have sex.

You tricked me
into a monogamous relationship.

It won't--
It won't happen again.

Wow, that's great.

I wish I could believe you,

but how am I
supposed to trust you?

Am I supposed to, like,
hire a detective

and get a video of you
sleeping with someone else?

We had a good thing,

and then you acted
like a dog, all loyal.

Oh.

I--
I think we need to break up.

We don't, actually.

We can just not
make a plan for a while.

We aren't in
that kind of a relationship.

Yeah, see, um,
I kind of was, though.

JEOFFRY:
Wesley Holdswanger!

SoWesley.

-[APPLAUSE]
-[CHUCKLING]

He's still in high school.

Thanks.

Again, this is my third.

[QUIETLY] It's like he was born
to be strangled.

-[QUIETLY LAUGHS]
WESLEY: ...work out, but, um,

I don't wanna mess up your
performatively low expectations,

but you might win tonight.

Do you wanna go over
your speech?

Sure.

Let's find another place.

I feel like it's so hard
to think in here.

Okay.

WESLEY: ...who like to prey
on my downfall, but, um,

You know what they say, "If you
got a prize in your hand,

you're the guy." So...

-[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
NED: Boo.

MARE [LAUGHS]:
You can't boo.

NED: I'm saying "blue,"
like the cheese,

'cause he stinks.

Gotta be somewhere.

MARE:
Let's see.

No. [SMACKS LIPS]

NED:
Mm-mm.

-[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
-Oh!

-Oh, no, no. God, no.
-Ooh!

-Oh, yes, yes, yes.
-No, no, no.

No. That's a wedding.
No, no, we can't.

I love this song.
It's fine.

NED: Okay, this is nuts.
No, no, no. This is nuts.

-No, it's fun.
NED: I don't...

-Shouldn't be doing this.
-Who cares?

-That was nice.
-Thanks.

All right. Okay.

Do I start with a joke?

What is the joke?

"Being a good journalist
runs in my blood. Literally.

I cannot make mistakes,
'cause I'm 'typo' negative."

[LAUGHING]

Forget the joke.

-You laughed.
-[CONTINUES LAUGHING]

-Oh.
-Sorry.

-I'm sorry.
-No, it's okay.

And then I'll thank the staff,
obviously.

Yes. Oh, make sure you,
um, thank Esmeralda.

She's been
a little off tonight.

Yeah, yeah. I can say, uh,
Esmeralda, hey.

Great dress,
where's your pitchfork?

[BOTH LAUGH]

[SLOW SONG STARTS PLAYING]

[CHUCKLES]

-You know what?
-Mm-hmm?

* You say I'm the only one
You need *

I think, uh, whatever you feel
when you get up there

will be just great.

* If you leave
My heart would bleed *

Thanks.

* Tell me that *

-* Our love's just begun *
-[NED SIGHS]

* And stay by my side... *

What if I say that journalism
is at a crossroads

because of underfunding?

Would that be
abusing my pulpit?

Excuse me?

Yeah.

[NED SIGHS]

NED:
I don't wanna abuse my pulpit.

MARE:
God forbid.

Hi.

Hello, mate.

Do us a couple
of thick slices, will you?

A hair wider
than a common garden hose?

With the gristle,
with the gristle.

Some lovely beef

-for you to swallow.
-Oh, thank you.

Now, who would like to hear

101 facts
that'll make you gasp?

Huh, Marv?

Easter Island,

the heads on Easter Island
have bodies underneath.

ANN: Yeah.
-Huh.

-I didn't know that.
ANN: Yeah.

-Oh. Interesting.

The Terminatorscript
was sold for $1.

LUKE: Ha! One dollar.
ANN: How?

One dollar.

Otters perform necrophilia.

OSCAR:
Why is that?

Because they're cheeky, Oscar.

[MARV LAUGHS]

Hey, Marv,
what's not funny, ugly,

and, uh,
speaks with a British accent?

[LAUGHS HEARTILY]

KEN: Touché. Yes.
-[COUGHING]

Brilliant.

Marv's choking.

Marv? It's Ken.
I'm gonna save you.

OSCAR: All right.
-Oi! Excuse me.

-Oscar, you greedy bastard!
-[CHOKING]

-He's mine!
-Oh, God! No!

Both the Putnam brothers
are choking! They're choking!

Marv? Marv, would you like me
to save your brother? Marv?

Stop asking!
Why are you just standing there?

-No, you have to--
-I save Ann!

-I save Ann.
ANN: No, no.

[ALL GASPING]
NATE: Oh!

ANN:
Great job, Oscar.

OSCAR: Whoo! You're okay.
-[APPLAUSE]

Well, I'm not gonna stand here
waiting to be thanked.

[DANCE MUSIC CONTINUES, MUFFLED]

Thank you.

All right.

[MARE LAUGHING]

We should--
We should get inside, right?

-Yeah.
-Yeah. Okay.

And Outstanding Print Coverage
goes to...

the revitalized
Toledo Truth Teller!

-[ALL CHEERING]
MARV: All right, oh!

JEOFFRY:
Accepting for the Truth Teller

will be Editor-in-Chief
Ned Sampson.

MARV:
Three wins. Not bad.

JEOFFRY:
Where's Ned? Ned Sampson!

Where are you?

-[PHONE CHIMES]
-Oh, my God. We won.

You won! You won!

-What? No.
-Yes!

You're kidding.
How did we win? We won?

-You can give your speech!
-Oh, my God! These won't-- Ugh!

-[DOOR RATTLING]
-How do you get in?

MARE: Let's get in this way.
This way.

[SQUEALING]

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

-[MICROPHONE FEEDBACK]
-Oh!

Is such an honor.

Thank you! Is such an honor.

-Okay.
-Holy shit.

-Oh, my God.
-Yeah, uh...

Oh, man.

-Okay.
NED: Is that one?

-Agh! Okay.
-Yeah!

-It's easy to be nominated...
KEN: Earlier this year,

-we set about...build a dream.
ESMERALDA: ...to get an award...

-But not to be nominated...
KEN: Rejuvenating local news...

KEN: Thank you so much.
-That's the real thing.

Sit down, asshats.

KEN: ...improve local news
in Toledo. Well, look at us now.

NED:
Oh, God.

MARE: A way in?
NED: Wait, I don't know.

MARE: Hello. Sorry.
He won an award.

Teamwork makes the dream work.
It's a team effort.

Yes,
but he wasn't part of the team.

-[LAUGHING]
MARE: Oh!

MARE: Do you know
what you're gonna say?

No! Shoot, my...

Okay. Oh!

Should I talk about my dad?

-Uh... No.
-No?

Okay. Why not?
I've got a whole thing...

That's it. Hey!

MARE:
Damn it, dude. You're winning.

ESMERALDA: And we have meetings
every day, he's never there.

KEN: I would be catching up
through the means of a memo.

MARE: We need to get you in.
-No, it's okay.

-Yes, we have to.
-It's okay. I'm Zen.

-Cut the shit, okay?

You're winning.
We have to get you in there.

-Look, this way.
-You're...

[KEN CONTINUES TALKING
INDISTINCTLY]

You got it?
Quick, okay, okay.

-Can you get through?
-Yeah.

[MARE GROANS]

ESMERALDA:
You don't know even

what responsibility means.

-Thank you, Toledo!
NED: Wait!

ESMERALDA: Thank you, America.
KEN: I consult.

ESMERALDA: You do not consult--
-Oh, my God. I'm here.

Don't-- Don't start. I'm here!
Thank you so much.

-[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
-Thank you so much!

This is great!

Oh, my God!
Thank you so much.

Oh, man.

Oh, my God. I have some people
I'd like to thank. Um...

[QUIETLY] Esmeralda Grand.
-Uh, no.

-Uh, I have, uh...
-No? Not at all?

I have my cards.

I think I left my cards...

I know what I wanna say.

I know what I wanna say.

God.

I thought I didn't care.

So I-I just--
I just wanna tell the truth.

And that is what we're try--
-[AUDIENCE GASPING]

Oh, for... Goddamn it.

MARV:
Give her room to breathe.

[AUDIENCE MURMURING]

BARRY:
That was a damn mess.

JEOFFRY: Miss?
Miss, are you okay?

To the Truth Teller!

-Truth Teller!
-[ALL WHOOPING]

Detrick broke up with me
tonight.

No...

So, what? Then you guys
were, like, dating?

Nope.

Are you okay?

Oh, yeah. I'm fine.

I just hope he's okay.

Wait, who's he with?

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

-Oh, well, that's a relief.
-Great.

Okay. I'm gonna get changed.
See you later.

[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

NED: Hey.
-Hey.

[CHUCKLES]

Look at that. [LAUGHS]

Man, everyone looks magnificent
in the light of the Preston.

-Mm.
-Must be some special bulbs

they use or something.

Everyone?

Yeah.

Barry.

Barry's dad.

You.

Are you...

trying to tell me
I look magnificent?

THEO [GROANS]:
There you are.

Mare, I'm dying.
My eyes are closing.

Um...

-Yeah. Theo, you know, I--
-Good night.

-Good night, you two.
-Wait, what?

Yeah.

Don't worry about me.

-Get some rest.
-Okay.

THEO:
Good night, dude.

-This was fun.
-Yeah.

[WOMAN LAUGHING]

Hey.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Congratulations to you both.

[LAUGHS]

Esmeralda, are you okay?

Recovering.

You think
you should be drinking?

-It's highly recommended.
-Okay.

Ooh...

Tragic.

What?

Did we both not see
the same thing tonight?

Marv is in love with Ann.

-Probably has been for decades.
-He's principled.

Denying two people a lifetime
of happiness is principled?

Ann works for him.

So? He can get another job.

Or he can stop being paralyzed

by what other people think
of him.

A great man once said:

"You miss 100% of the shots
you don't take."

Also an idiot I used to know.

All right.

-Good night.
-Bye.

Esmeralda.

You know what?

So what? So what,
if you didn't win tonight?

You made it to the stage
a couple of times.

-Three.
-I counted two.

I also made the toast
at the wedding.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

[KNOCKS]

-Hey.
-Hey.

-So...
-What's up?

I didn't get to, uh,
say my speech earlier on,

and I thought that
you might wanna hear it now.

You know,
it's not really a good time.

I know.

-It's just... It's one part.
-Yeah.

Okay.

"Jokes aside, I did a joke.

I want to thank one person,
most of all.

Someone that I consider
my partner in this,

and without whom, my days..."

-Maybe you should read it.
-Okay.

It's a lot of "without whom"s.

I think the speech would have
gone over really well.

Yeah?

Mm-hmm.

All right.

Good night.

-Are you kidding?
-What?

You're just gonna
walk away again,

-right now?
-What? Yes.

What else am I gonna do?
I'm your boss, Mare.

Bullshit, dude.

It's the definition
of a boundary.

-Yeah.
-You got Theo. I don't wanna...

[MARE SHUSHES]

[SOBBING]

NICOLE:
Oh, my God.

This is probably awful to say,
but that makes me really happy.

If any of your reasons
were any good...

you would have left by now.

You don't think
I want to kiss you?

-I have no--
-I want to kiss you...

but this is... Our team.

-You and me, we're...
-The Buddy and the Dude.

Buddy and the Dude.
We're making it work.

We're making the paper work.

This would be
the classic, fastest way

to mess everything up.
We can't do that.

I don't know,
maybe we just need to, like...

get it out of our system.

Just get it out of the way

so we can go back
to being pals again.

I would love to be pals again.
That would be the great.

I just feel like
it's also gonna suck

now it's been built up and...

That'd be great
if it was terrible,

because then we could
go back to normal.

-Exactly.
-Because we would be

-a terrible idea.
-Yeah.

No, I know.
You drive me crazy as it is.

-So I just...
-Yeah.

You know, we're journalists,
and I feel like...

We should verify.

We should do the research.

Okay, so approach
the pal-maker.

Aah...

Oh, God.

Oh, shit.

I would like to make a toast

to this beautiful,
beautiful couple.

My love, you are much shorter,
right? Oh, my God.

Well, how...
How does this work?

Uh... Oh, okay.
No, but you look beautiful.

You look beautiful,

and I really wish you
a long marriage.

You just have to tolerate
sometimes his affairs because...

I mean, who is in charge
between you guys?

Probably you, right?

Because of the dimensions,
maybe?