Esmeralda Quotes - The Paper
Esmeralda quotes from the hit show "The Paper"
Esmeralda: (singing) Oh, sad dead journalist. You made your final deadline. You are gone. Sad dead journalist. You are gone. And no one will read you anymore. RIP
Esmeralda: A few weeks ago in the archive room, someone found a picture of Barry when he was 30 and he was very handsome. So that image stuck in my mind for several days, but then Barry did something very inappropriate ? because when you think about a man that way, he knows that he can come into your dreams and he can have his way with you. I am very sorry to say that Barry took that liberty. If it happened once, it would be OK, because I was willing. There was a mutual attraction, but then it happened every night. Barry has come every night, unbidden, into my dreams, and he has had me. I have my needs like everybody else, maybe more, but he is insatiable. And then the day after, I come into the office and he pretends like nothing happened. How dares he!"
Esmeralda: Where does it say the character took Xanax?
Esmeralda: (To another mom while waiting for her son's audition) I worry about him having a career, because you see what happens to these child actors? They start heroin really early. Sometimes they vomit on you, then they prostitute themselves. And then one day, they just stab you in the bed, and that's it. Lot of blood.
Esmeralda: (Acting out her self-rewritten script in the audition) Hey sweetheart! How was soccer today? Oh, there is a lightning storm! Oh my god, I just switched bodies with my mom. She has my body now, and I am the beautiful woman! Wow, oh, this is how it feels to have clean underwear? I'm going to spend her money to buy the wipes I need to clean myself!
Esmeralda: (Trying to explain her subterfuge) We are practicing a play...our first. In a certain scenario, these characters would take over, which is a very common plot in so many plays... We could do a movie, about a musical about a movie about a musical about a movie about a musical...
Esmeralda: Janitors, more than anyone, they have to be loyal. Because of the stuff they find in the trash, or in the toilets.
Esmeralda: Ned accuses me of sensationalizing stories. Since when sensation is a bad thing? Ask a box of condoms.
Esmeralda: (On her tactic of sneaking into City Hall) I don't really have a migraine. This is just me being great at journalism!
Esmeralda: (imitating an American accent) Merry Christmas, Frank. Nice cheeseburger, buddy.
Esmeralda: (Her advice to Mare ) If you think small, your life is small. Like an ant.
Esmeralda: When there is a group of single women and one woman finds happiness in love, the other single women try to take that happy woman down. Like in a boiling pot of lobsters, do you know that the male lobsters all lazily accept their fate, while the female lobsters try to get out by clawing down each other during the process. They will not claw down this lobster!
Esmeralda: I want to apologize for Ned. He resents children, because he can't have any of his own. He sat on a stove in high school, and it was on. So Ned's a premature grandpa with his print paper, but at TTT, we are completely different. Ice cream on Thursdays, very fun, very chill vibe, a lot of rizz. Nothing suss, nothing mid, and we are also very concerned about climate change. Come intern with me. Let's collab!
Esmeralda: (Esmeralda's ideas for getting back at the teen blogger who wronged her) We cut his brakes, and then what happens after is in the hands of God. We convince him his father is not his real father. Kids hate that. We smear a little dog s**t on his retainer. Just a little teaspoon. We give him Lyme disease. I think I have the right kind of ticks.
Esmeralda: Ugh, Ned is still here. Perhaps he has cockroach DNA. Do you know cockroach? That you try to smash it but then it doesn't die? He turns on his back, you know? That's Ned. And you pretend that you're happy that he's alive.
Esmeralda: Ned. I'm so sorry about the disappointing news. You must be very sad.
Ned: What's--? Uh... Sorry, what?
Esmeralda: Oh, because you don't know? About Mare? Mare, the woman whose parents named her after a horse. She's leaving us for the hotel business.
Esmeralda: "MOB-MI-AB", "Marv's Office Budget Meeting In A Bit." Yes, classic shorthand. Ned doesn't have time to read the whole sentence while he's flirting all day long with that U.S. troop.
Ned: We're about to have my first staff meeting, if you wanna...
Esmeralda: Oh, wow. I might skip it. Because they are like children and I think it would be a trauma for them to see two mommies at once, right?
Ned: I'm a little distracted. Uh, the wire's not working.
Esmeralda: Yeah. That was supposed to be a surprise! But, uh, yes. I canceled it.
Ned: You cut the wi.. You cut the wire?
Esmeralda: Yes. From my little office.
Esmeralda: (Writing a Letter from the Editor in the voice of Ned) Esmeralda did the greatest job at the paper, while also being a single mother. Although you would never know, because her body is insane.
Esmeralda: The print version really only exists for people to have something to frame when they are mentioned, which we try to do as much as possible.
Esmeralda: In America, there is a saying about accepting the things that you cannot change. In Italy ... we do not have that saying.
Ned: I know you've been supervising things for a while. So I hope it's not too disruptive to have me come in and sort of shake everything up.
Esmeralda: Oh, no, no. Don't be so self-defecating.
Ned: Did you send an email to everyone here saying that I was "not Me Too-ed?"
Esmeralda: Yes, because I didn't want you to start off on the wrong foot.
Ned: But I wasn't.
Esmeralda: Yes, in fact, that's why I said, he was not Me Too-ed, I don't think.
Ned: I was not-- I've never been Me Too-ed. I've also never embezzled or slapped a waitress.
Esmeralda: Oh, wow. Should I tell them?
Ned: No! That's what I'm saying. You-- You don't have to "not" a thing that isn't.
Esmeralda: You are preaching to the choir. These are simple people. To them, a man leaves his job, moves to a new town, they think, "I wonder what was his evil crime. Did he do it to a person? An animal? I hope he doesn't do it to me."
