Travis Quotes - The Paper
Travis quotes from the hit show "The Paper"
Ken: I was wondering if I could enlist your unsavory services to get rid of some documents.
Travis: Well, that depends. Are you willing to follow me to a second location without question?
Ken: Yes, sir.
Travis: And a third, if need be?
Ken: I'd rather just start in a third, then maybe move on to a fourth.
Travis: So the Brit means business.
Travis: Yeah, people tend to just trust me. It's something about the beard and soft eyes combination. People say I look like a young Kris Kringle.
Travis: It's something I designed to stuff down the throat of a dead frog to make it wiggle, so a trout would wanna eat it. And I was confident enough to make about 144 of them. But the suits at Bass Pro Shops didn't get it.
Travis: (To the visiting students) Is there like a way we could come to your school and shadow you for a bit?
Detrick: I think I should've used a better wood. I used pine like a simp. I don't think she likes pine.
Travis: Nah, no, no. It's not the wood. It's the woodsman. A hand-carved bird? You might as well have carved her an engagement ring. You're freaking her out. And you're freaking me out. You're freaking Adelola out. And frankly, you're freaking out all the Softees guys back there.
Detrick: How many people know about this?
Travis: Everyone who's facing this way.
Detrick: So, what-- What should I do? Act like I don't like her?
Travis: Exactly. Dude, I'm icing out my stepdad right now, and he's begging for it.
Travis: Uh, we could do a countdown to the McRib coming back.
Adelola: (BLOWS RASPBERRY)
Travis: What? It'll pressure them. It's a good idea.
Adelola: Yeah, it's an amazing idea, for the dumb ideas section.
Travis: We were racing to make the game, and then all of a sudden, a freaking deer jumped out at us.
Oscar: Did you brake in time?
Travis: You don't brake for deer, man. You do not brake for deer.
Oscar: Don't brake for deer?
Travis: What does a car do when you brake?
Oscar: It attracts deer?
Travis: No. You brake, your car tilts down. And boom, the deer will go through the windshield. And if that's a buck, a male deer? That's an antler to the face, aka instant death, in my experience. No, thank you, man.
