S01E02 - The Five W's

No: 2  |  Season: 1   Episode: 2  |  Air Date: 4-Sep-2025  |  Runtime: 27:34 mins

S01E02

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Summary

Ned slowly starts with his volunteer crew until Esmeralda forces an accelerated scramble for stories; Detrick and Travis, Mare and Barry, and Adam and Adelola form Woodward and Bernstein teams with limited results.

Director and Writers

Director: Ken Kwapis
Writers: Greg Daniels & Michael Koman

Transcript

Script: S01E02 - The Five W's

Quotes

Mare: Hey, where did you get that?
Ned: Oh! Good eye. This is a 1926 Underwood Standard Portable that once belonged...
Mare: I meant the coffee. Where is there a Birch Brothers?
Ned: Just by me.
Mare: Do they offer you a nerd discount if you mention your vintage typewriter?

Ned: We're about to have my first staff meeting, if you wanna...
Esmeralda: Oh, wow. I might skip it. Because they are like children and I think it would be a trauma for them to see two mommies at once, right?

Adelola: I'm an accountant. I don't know if my computer even has any word processing software.

Ned: I'll put them back once we're done.
Ken: Said the fox to the farmer. No, no, Ned. I'll put them back. Thank you. And I may electrify them. Or indeed electrify one, and you won't know which.

Mare: Screw you, that's not a valid password. I know my dog's birthday.

Ned: I'm a little distracted. Uh, the wire's not working.
Esmeralda: Yeah. That was supposed to be a surprise! But, uh, yes. I canceled it.
Ned: You cut the wi.. You cut the wire?
Esmeralda: Yes. From my little office.

Nicole: Uh, is everything okay? Because your face is sweating and your neck is turning red.
Ned: Yeah, thank you. That's... No, that's good observing.

Travis: Uh, we could do a countdown to the McRib coming back.
Adelola: (BLOWS RASPBERRY)
Travis: What? It'll pressure them. It's a good idea.
Adelola: Yeah, it's an amazing idea, for the dumb ideas section.

Ned: Remember the five W's.
Adam: Is that a gang?
Ned: No. It's, uh, who, what, when, where, why. It's what they teach you in journalism school.
Adam: So not a gang.

Ned: Seven highly motivated, tenacious Buckeyes are out there right now, hunting for news. You'd be a fool to bet against that.
(a moment later...)
Ned: (On the phone) Hey, how much would it cost for one day of wire service? That's outrageous!

Mare: I just hope I have half of Barry's energy and brains when I'm 150.

Esmeralda: (Writing a Letter from the Editor in the voice of Ned) Esmeralda did the greatest job at the paper, while also being a single mother. Although you would never know, because her body is insane.

Esmeralda: I need you to defrost the freezer right now, immediately.
Nicole: Well, can-- Can someone else?
Esmeralda: I wish there was someone else I could trust with this. But no one defrosts like you, Nicole. You have these young, sturdy, strong wrists. I mean, Nicole, the ice melts at the sound of your footsteps.
Nicole: (to the camera crew) The freezer's probably fine, but I like to take the path of least resistance with Esmeralda. Sometimes I go limp from resisting so little. Just slide right off my chair.

Ken: Did you see the way he ate his cupcake?
Marv: Visionary.

Adam: And they call it Dogging.
Adelola: (typing) "Slipping into a more..."
Adam: "A more canine way of being."
Adelola: "And the itch they're getting isn't from fleas."
Oscar: Um, just out of curiosity, did you guys get any quotes?
Adelola: What would the quote be? Woof?

Oscar: (on his phone) Did you get my text? I made it! Heh! It's in today's paper. Well, is it too easy? Is it too hard? What do you think? Huh? (LAUGHS) Maybe too easy for you, Stanley!

Notes and Trivia

Beaming with pride that his soduko puzzle was published, Oscar is heard on the phone speaking to "Stanley", saying "Maybe too easy for you, Stanley!" The assumption is he was checking in with his former Dunder Mifflin workmate Stanley Hudson, who was a fan of soduko puzzles.

Goofs

Ned holds up a paper with the headline "Shepard Orbits the Earth," but Alan Shepard's flight was a suborbital flight.

Locations

Details about common locations, such as opening credits montage locations, can be found here.

The billboard that angers Barry is located at 15011 Oxnard St, Los Angeles, California.

Cast

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