S01E07 - I Love You

No: 7 | Season: 1 Episode: 7 | Air Date: 4-Sep-2025 | Runtime: 29:33 mins

Ken: Twenty-two minutes. That's how long your computer's been inactive. What were you doing in there? Faffing around? Watching the latest episode of So You Think You Can Dillydally?

This program here, voila, that lets me know whenever their computer is inactive. And! Here we go! Oscar hasn't touched his spreadsheet for 15 minutes. Oh, dear. You're scamming the company, mate.

Everyone busy, busy. My little dwarves. And I'm Snow White, their boss. The tough but fairest of them all.

Ned: We're enjoying this meeting. Everyone's sort of nodding. Yes, I am actively agreeing with you!

Ned: Well, our floor is your floor. Marv: Usually your floor is my ceiling.

Some people tend to lose all dignity in the face of their betters. Fortunately, it usually gets them precisely nowhere. Men of quality, your Marv Putnams of this world, they can see right through you.

Ken: You're like a child sitting on a pilot's lap who thinks he's flying the plane. Well, guess what? He's not. They're not insured for that.

Travis: One percent. They have a shorthand. A secret language. Like Bulgarian.

Looks like they're almost done fixing our floor. Be good, kiddo. Love you.

Marv! I love you.

Yeah. Love you, bud. Love this.

Ha, ha! My dad doesn't have a yacht. Okay? He's a pilot. He owns a Piper Cub twin engine. He once had to crash land in a field, like Harrison Ford. So...

I didn't hear much... Just the part where you guys were gonna get Marv fired and then divide the company for yourselves. That's the only part.

Nate: I dropped out of college to become a full time Skype phone salesman. And I made them pay me in stocks. Yeah, that's a bet that I wanted to make on myself. It's a bet that I lost. But sometimes I wonder...

Ken: How does the phrase, "Nate Wells, Head of Marketing" sound?

Well, I am a lone wolf, for sure, but I would like someone to look at me the way that Ned looks at Marv.

Esmeralda: We are practicing a play. Ken: Well, we're writing a play...

It was a loyalty test. Because janitors, more than anyone, they have to be loyal.

God in heaven. Please help my brother, Nate... through this dark time and lead him into the light.

Ned, there's something going on, and... I can't say that I'm not feeling it too. But it would mean the world to me, if we don't actually discuss it. I'm not your daddy.

Summary

With Marv camped out in the newsroom while his office is painted, Ned and the staff find their unresolved attitudes toward authority bubbling up; Esmeralda and Ken plot a betrayal that leaks.

Director and Writers

Director: Jennifer Celotta
Writers: Alex Edelman

Reviews

Review: Review: The Paper - Season 1, Episode 7: "I Love You"

Transcript

Script: S01E07 - I Love You

Quotes

Ken: (As Nicole emerged from the bathroom) Twenty-two minutes. That's how long your computer's been inactive. What were you doing in there? Faffing around? Watching the latest episode of "So You Think You Can Dillydally"?
Nicole: You can't ask me that.
Ken: So not a denial per se. I shall be alerting the wage-garnishers.

Ken: (to the camera crew) They are only allowed to work on the newspaper couple of hours a day. Now, this program here, voila, that lets me know whenever their computer is inactive. (alert noise sounds) And! Here we go! Oscar hasn't touched his spreadsheet for 15 minutes. Oh, dear. You're scamming the company, mate.

Adelola: I'm so tired of asking Adam to move my mouse every time I'm out on a story.
Adam: I've got my own mouse to worry about.

Travis: It's something I designed to stuff down the throat of a dead frog to make it wiggle, so a trout would wanna eat it. And I was confident enough to make about 144 of them. But the suits at Bass Pro Shops didn't get it.

Ned: We're enjoying this meeting. Everyone sort of nodding, nodding a little bit. Yes. Yes! I am actively agreeing with you.

Ken: (looking at his tablet that monitors the office computers) Everyone busy, busy. My little dwarves. And I'm Snow White, their boss. The tough but fairest of them all.

Ken: Some people tend to lose all dignity in the face of their betters. Fortunately, it usually gets them precisely nowhere. Men of quality-- Your Marv Putnams of this world. --they can see right through you.

Adelola: I can't stand it when people lose their spine the second a person higher up on the pay scale notices them. It's like the hidden cost of capitalism. Like, your labor is not enough, they want your dignity too. I do not play that game.

(Ned approaches Marv to ask a question)
Ken: Do you have an appointment?
Ned: I just wanna ask a question.
Ken: I didn't see you in Marv's schedule, mate. Listen. Just because the boss is on your floor, it doesn't mean that you've gone up in the world. You're like a child sitting on a pilot's lap who thinks he's flying the plane. Well, guess what? He's not. They're not insured for that.

Ned: Marv! I love you.
Marv: Yeah. Love you, bud. Love this.

Travis: Hey, there's no shame in publicly showing love to another man in the workplace, okay? Me and Garcia say we love each other all the time. Watch this. Love you, Garcia!
Garcia: Love you, man!
Nicole: Hey, Detrick. Love you, bro.
Detrick: (surprised) What?
Nicole: I'm just a boy, standing in front of his boss--
Detrick: That's not something to joke about.
Nicole: Love, Actually?
Detrick: Hm, Yeah. It's Notting Hill, but whatever.

Adelola: Just curious, do your dad and Marv go to the same yacht club?
Ned: Ha! Okay. Ha, ha! My dad doesn't have a yacht. Okay? He's a pilot. He owns a Piper Cub twin engine. He once had to crash land in a field, like Harrison Ford. So...

Ken: I went to university with a man called J. Autumn Reed, currently COO of DS Smith. He is in the midst of a rather nasty divorce and is looking for a change. If the board of Enervate got wind of the fact that Marv is slipping, and J. Autumn Reed is waiting in the wings, well they would cast Marv out to sea on a block of ice with a new Rolex, saying thanks but no thanks. And I happen to know that J. Autumn Reed is a man who remembers his friends.
Esmeralda: Would J. Autumn Reed also remember friends of friends?
Ken: God, yeah.
Esmeralda: Ken. We have to know that we trust each other.
Ken: Do we not know that?
Esmeralda: Well, if Marv hears about this before they float him away, we are done.
Ken: Listen, babe. We are in a tribe of two, indelibly linked together with a silent bond for eternity.
Esmeralda: To the grave.
Nate: (interrupts the conversation) Sounds risky to me. See, what if J. Autumn Reed and his wife patch things up?

Esmeralda: So... You know, this conversation that maybe you overheard?
Ken: I mean, how much of that did you hear exactly?
Nate: I didn't hear much. Yeah.
(Ken and Esmeralda sigh)
Ken: ...Just the part where you guys were gonna get Marv fired and then divide the company for yourselves. That's the only part.

Mare: We didn't even get to cover Jeep Week last year, because Esmeralda bailed when they wouldn't gift her a Grand Cherokee.

Marv: What about that, uh, girl sits outside your office?
Ned: Whoa, stop.
Marv: You should ask her out. You have your first boy, you gift me a crock-pot.
Ned: You're being weird. Stop being weird.
Marv: It's an Ohio tradition.

Nate: (talking to the camera crew) Marketing is tricky. And I don't really have a background in it. But I noticed for a while now that Enervate's not really taking advantage of their socials like they should. So I've been Googling things...
Ken: (interrupting) Mr. Wells. Good to see you. Hello, partner.
Esmeralda: Wow, you're talking to the crew. About mops?
Nate: Uh, no. We're talking about marketing. So you know that proposal that you guys offered me? I thought about it, and you know what, let's do this.
Esmeralda: But which proposal are you talking about? Oh, yes. About cleaning faster or cleaning better?
Nate: Oh, no, you don't have to worry about them. They're the ones that brought up your evil plan to me. I figured you already told them.

Ken: What it was, was it was a loyalty test.
Esmeralda: Yes.
Ken: We were testing Nate's loyalty.
Esmeralda: It was a loyalty test. Because janitors, more than anyone, they have to be loyal.
Ken: Gotta be loyal.
Esmeralda: Because of the stuff they find in the trash. Or in the toilets.

Esmeralda: (Trying to explain her subterfuge) We are practicing a play...our first. In a certain scenario, these characters would take over, which is a very common plot in so many plays... We could do a movie, about a musical about a movie about a musical about a movie about a musical...

Adelola: (to Ned) That was kind of mean. You're mean.
Adam: Yeah. Marv was like Bambi's mom, and you were like...the gun.
Ned: It wasn't that bad, was it?
Detrick: My Nana lives in a care facility. If I caught a nurse yelling at her like that, we'd get a discount that month.

Notes and Trivia

The game the office workmates are playing in the conference room is "Don't Wake Daddy", a board game where players try to sneak from their beds to a refrigerator to get a midnight snack without waking the sleeping Daddy figure.

Mid-credits scene: Mare and Ned are seen texting about a story after hours.

Goofs

None

Locations

Details about common locations, such as opening credits montage locations, can be found here.