S02E01 - The Best of Us
No: 11 |
Season: 2
Episode: 1 |
Air Date: 09-Sep-26 |
Runtime: 24 mins
Summary
After a magical weekend sweeping the Ohio Journalism Awards, Ned tries to find the right time to ask Marv for a bigger budget; Esmeralda loudly plays the grief card.
Director and Writers
Director: Matt Sohn
Writers: Eric Rahill
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Transcript
Script: S02E01 - The Best of Us
Quotes
Ned: What do you do when you get everything you ever wanted in one night? You ask for more. It's called momentum.
Ned: What's better than flowers?
Oscar: Edible arrangements?
Ned: Siri, turn down.
Siri: Playing "Turn Down for What" by DJ Snake and Lil Jon.
Oscar: Whenever they make a sale, the Softees guys ring this gong right behind Adelola. Bill was one of the ones that loved to surprise you. Bill loved to ring that gong. I will think of him every time I hear a loud surprising noise.
Ned: Do we know what happened?
Oscar: It sounds like it was a fire.
Ned: That's awful. Poor Bill. Bill, Bill, Bill. Bill... Bill was the one with the birthmark, right?
Oscar: No.
Marv: Are you guys able to continue today?
Ned: Of course. The Truth must be told. Even if it's difficult or expensive.
Esmeralda: Well, for me, I might need paid leave. (sniffs) Details can be discussed later.
Ken: Bill will be sorely missed. There is a huge void around here. If you could choose one person to die on this floor, it would not be Bill. Purely in terms of earnings and how much he'd be missed, Alexander's gotta be in the conversation. But God has chosen to take Bill. And you can't argue with God. Al might be next.
Nicole: Is Bill's death really a front page event, Ned?
Ned: Yes. Fragility of life. It's universal. It's the tightrope we're all walking. You could be murdered tonight.
Nicole: Wow.
Ned: It's usually someone you know.
Adelola: So were you guys friends?
Kimberly: We were more like comrades. We saw a lot of crazy shit together.
Adelola: Selling toilet paper? Exactly.
Adam: Did he have any hobbies? I think he liked to cook.
Kimberly: Every time I asked him what he did over the weekend, he was like "cooking" or "I cooked" or "I spent my time cooking."
Adam: It's kind of fitting that he loved to cook, and then he was cooked.
Mare: Do you know if he like, warned everybody else in the building? Or I don't know, sacrificed himself to save others? Anything heroic?
Fireman: No, no. It looks like he just panicked in there and died like an animal. You can see fingernail scratches on the door.
Nicole: We need to turn the Victory Vermouth into Bill on the Rocks then. I'll make sure there's no Fireball in it.
Ned: Will do, sir. It's gonna be the best summation of a wonderful life ever.
Adam: Okay, so everything on this guy's start paperwork seems to be false. His home phone number starts with 5-5-5, and he spelled Illinois wrong.
Coroner: The fire started at 1AM in his kitchen.
Mare: What was he cooking at 1 a.m.? A roast?
Ned: For the homeless, maybe?
Ned: My God, what's that long thing?
Travis: Is that his penis?
Coroner: Oh, no, his penis is long gone.
(Cut to Ned speaking to the camera)
Ned: What we thought was Bill's penis turned out to be his tailbone. The penis is actually quite fragile. It's all sponge. It's the first thing to go up in a fire. And Bill's bladder was unfortunately full of alcohol. So in this case, his penis was almost like the wick to a Molotov cocktail.
Ken: What sort of quantity for the order would that be? Twenty grams? (pause) You have correctly identified me as being a man from a metric country.
Travis: From what I've deduced, I think Detrick developed a little hole in his love life over the weekend. And that is a hole that I'm looking to fill. I'm about to stuff myself all up in there. Mm. Um... Platonically speaking, of course. Just with some classic friendship. Uh... Could we do take two, actually? Please?
Travis: It's Margarita Mondays at O'Shays. Which means affordable liquor and at least five fine-as-hell urgent care nurses who just got off shift next door.
Ken: I knew Bill was all salesman, but, uh, my goodness. You can't teach that. The up-charging on that. Fantastic. I'll say this, I hope the angels are watching their wallets up there. Because Bill was an absolute shark.
Oscar: Ned? Are we going to be able to put the awards on the front page? Not that it's the only thing I care about. I just told my mom already.
Ned: Bill was a complicated man. He kept to himself, he sold toilet paper. He loved to wear the Enervate "E" at our company Christmas can drive where he delighted many children, although he probably delighted more teenagers... because he also made and distributed methamphetamine.
Mare: Just because we have to keep this a secret, doesn't mean you need to keep it a secret from me.
Ned: Hey! You ready to get laid? We're gonna put it in some nurses?
Travis: I'm gonna have to call you on that. Those nurses are heroes, okay?
Notes and Trivia
None
Goofs
None
Locations
Details about common locations, such as opening credits montage locations,
can be found here.
None
Cast
| Domhnall Gleeson | Ned Sampson |
| Sabrina Impacciatore | Esmeralda Grand |
| Chelsea Frei | Mare Pritti |
| Melvin Gregg | Detrick Moore |
| Gbemisola Ikumelo | Adelola Olofin |
| Alex Edelman | Adam Cooper |
| Ramona Young | Nicole Lee |
| Tim Key | Ken Davies |
| Eric Rahill | Travis |
| Duane R. Shepard Sr | Barry |
| Oscar Nunez | Oscar Martinez |
| Allan Havey | Marv Putnam |
| Nancy Lenehan | Ann Putnam |
| Mo Welch | Kimberly Wilson |
| Jacob Berger | Fireman |
| Billy Briggs | Patrick |
| Christopher Callen | Bill's Mother |
| Alexander Antonio Flores | Garcia |
| Harry Fowler | Softee Guy |
| J.D. Hall | Neighbor |
| Nika Khitrova | Bill's Sister |
| Pavel Kozlov | Buyer |
| Milan Patel | Coroner |
| Geoff Ross | Neighbor |
| Roger J. Timber | Floral Delivery Guy |
