S02E02 - Weekend Ned

No: 12 | Season: 2 Episode: 2 | Air Date: 09-Sep-26 | Runtime: 23 mins

It's just some tests for a genetic predisposition to some, uh, potentially complicated... brain bleeds.

I love we're doing this while they're panicking about a stupid write-in candidate.

Mare seems super into this aunt. She did her hair and nails, and she's wearing body butter.

What? Who squealed? Because they squealed wrong.

Wanna hear a rumor? They're saying that "Weekend Ned" is really fun.

Ned: Did you ever cross paths with any robots in the military? ...The kind that detonate IUDs.

I hope that's not a private coach. You know the only adults allowed are cohabitating guardians.

I just caught one of those food delivery robots spying on us and I threw it into the river.

That is Ken. My live-in British lover.

I am watching an ad for some pretty powerful deck stain. What'd you want me to look up again?

There. See. He touches her back, and she jumps like he was a mountain lion. This is not a real couple.

Ken: If I may, Your Honor. Mutual disgust is a game we play to keep the home fires burning.

Could me and Esmeralda work? We have a certain frisson. A spicy Italian ragout, mixed with a British chicken tikka masala.

Summary

Ned and Mare ditch the documentary crew, leaving Adam and Adelola in charge of the weekend edition; Esmeralda recruits Ken to be her son's pretend dad.

Director and Writers

Director: Greg Daniels
Writers: Gbemisola Ikumelo

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Transcript

Script: S02E02 - Weekend Ned

Quotes

Ned: I am hitting the road to my doctor. He's a long way out of town, so I have to stay overnight at the hospital.
Nicole: Oh, no. Are you okay?
Ned: No, I'm great. It's just some tests for a genetic predisposition to some, uh, potentially complicated... brain bleeds.

Mare: Every four years we do this. We head into the mountains and just honor the fallen.
Detrick: Like Memorial Day?
Mare: Yes, but the weekend.
Detrick: Like Memorial Day Weekend.
Mare: Um... It's just more specific than that.
Travis: Every four years? Weird interval.

Mare: Let's say Fiona Gabrini wins.
Adam: Girl power, right?
Mare: Mm-hm. Then you just drag this article that says "Gabrini wins" into that box. But if Joe White wins...
Adam: White pow... Never mind.

Mare: Adelola. You're in charge.
Adelola: Oh, I would but my mom's visiting from Nigeria this weekend. She wants me to entertain her and listen to her stories from home. If I'm here tomorrow, I'm not gonna be able to do any of that. So... yes.

Esmeralda: Ken, don't forget tomorrow morning. 8:30 at Rolf Park, okay?
Ken: Mm... I will be there with my balls. Soccer balls. Single entendre at work.

(While trying to relax in the hot tub)
Ned: It's weird that Fiona Gabrini had the endorsement of the Uniformed Sanitation Men's Association...
Mare: And still lost though, right?
Ned: Yes, yes.
Mare: Maybe Joe White split the vote because he wanted workman's comp to include lost wages.
Ned: Oh, I bet that's it. You're so smart.

Referee: (to Ken) Hello, sir. There's been a report of false guardianship.
Ken: No.
Esmeralda: What? Who squealed? Because they squealed wrong.

Marv: Ned, now your sound is messed up.
Ned: I think that I am too close to an MRI machine. I'm about to go in for surgery...

Ned: (To food delivery robot) You like peeping in windows, you little freak? I get filmed all week at work. I don't need some food delivery pervert in India watching me too.

Ned: Did you ever cross paths with any robots in the military?
Mare: What kind of robots?
Ned: The kind that detonate IUDs.
Mare: "IUDs"?
Ned: Yeah.
Mare: No. I never ran into robots that detonate IUDs. Okay. I'd like to.

Adelola: Travis, hurry up. What does your tutorial say?
Travis: I am watching an ad for some pretty powerful deck stain. What'd you want me to look up again?

Adelola: Oscar! Thank God somebody competent is here.
Oscar: I came as fast as I could.
Nicole: Uh... What's wrong with you?
Oscar: Oh, I already took my Saturday afternoon nap-time sleepy blend. So I've got about 20 minutes, then I will be down for, uh, two hours.

Janine: There. See. (shows a video on her phone) He touches her back, and she jumps like he was a mountain lion. This is not a real couple.
Ken: Um... If I may, Your Honor. Mutual disgust is a game we play to keep the home fires burning.

Notes and Trivia

The football kit Ken Davies is wearing represents Ipswich Town FC, 1986 to 1995.

Goofs

None

Locations

Details about common locations, such as opening credits montage locations, can be found here.