S02E03 - Hearst's Mistress
No: 13 |
Season: 2
Episode: 3 |
Air Date: 09-Sep-26 |
Runtime: 24 mins
Summary
Ned and Mare search for a journalistic crusade and find themselves at her apartment; Oscar negotiates the rights to Mr. Digit with Marv.
Director and Writers
Director: Dave Rogers
Writers: Amanda Rosenberg
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Transcript
Script: S02E03 - Hearst's Mistress
Quotes
Ned: I tried to talk Marv into putting up a billboard congratulating us on the awards, and he did it. And we've got the number for new subscriptions up there, so-so... (Ned sees a woman using her phone) Oh, man. She's calling right now. I feel like I'm in Times Square!
Ned: Marv put the number for subscriptions on the billboard. So people who forgot to cancel their subscriptions, have been phoning, in droves, to cancel.
Esmeralda: Do you know the show Is It Cake? Where people make cakes that are so lifelike that you can't tell them apart from real things.
Ned: Yes.
Esmeralda: We say that we are doing that with the paper. If they bite into it, they have to buy it.
Ned: We start a crusade. We create a journalistic crusade, right? We pick an issue, and we just hammer away at it every day from every different angle, like noble knights.
Mare: Oh... Sorry. Devil's advocate. Isn't that kind of yellow journalism? Making news instead of reporting it? I mean, who are you? The next William Randolph Hearst?
Ned: No, no. Hearst played fast and loose with the truth. The only thing he had good taste in was women. His mistress, Marion Davies, was one of the coolest women ever.
Mare: Probably cooler than any woman of today, it sounds like.
Ned: No, I know someone as cool as her.
Ned: It's just Marion had a certain sort of a quality that has never been duplicated. She could be gritty, plucky, witty, alluring, beautiful.
Barry: She was a piece of ass too.
Adelola: Yeah, okay. She was old-timey hot at best. She's like what pretty was before the polio vaccine and sunblock.
Mare: Whoever ends up with Ned is a lucky girl. Because it looks like his hall pass died in 1936.
Esmeralda: Just picture Ned with this old lady of his dreams, lifting her skirt, then finding another skirt under that. (shuddering) Ooh...! Another layer.
Ned: Everyone cares about potholes. Right guys?
Mare: You know, there's a huge one near where I live. It's so big it looks infected.
Ned: Why don't we check it out?
Mare: Yeah.
Ned: Great. Let's do it.
Barry: What are we checking out?
Adelola: Mare's pothole.
Adam: It's infected.
Ned: I realized I have a meeting right now. Let's pick it up in like half an hour.
Mare: Sweet.
Barry: (hands Mare a tube of ointment) Cleared mine right up.
Lisa Graysh: Come back and let me know how it progresses and what happens and... If and when you guys have sex and how it is, and what is the positions or whatever.
Ned: Do I need to tell you that?
Lisa Graysh: Oh! No, not officially. I just mean as friends. How friends go, "We did it doggy, and we did it regular, "and we did it front facing," or... If you want. I think it'd be fun, come hang out with me. I feel like we never hang.
Ned: We actually started front facing.
Lisa Graysh: Good, that's romantic. We're the only mammals that do that.
Ned: Is that true? Mm-hm.
Lisa Graysh: Yeah, I've never done it that way, but...
Marv: Oscar, Enervate would like to buy Mr. Digit to run in our other newspapers. I think we will both find this very lucrative.
Oscar: As one man to another, do you think lake boats are worth the trouble? I do love to float.
Marv: How does $10,000 sound?
Oscar: Monthly?
Marv: As the full amount.
Oscar: Okay, so not boat money.
Detrick: So, like, what's your technique to get people to talk?
Travis: So basically it starts with a look, right? Eye contact. And then we enter a flow state of conversation. Hm... Just talking. And then, uh... Nah, nah. I-I'm making up quotes, man.
Ned: (looking at the pothole) Oh, my God, it's beautiful.
Ken: You know Oscar's little Mr. Digit?
Esmeralda: Yes.
Ken: Well, that little worm never reminded me to force him to sign a contract. So now he's milking Marv for 1.2 million.
Esmeralda: No.
Ken: Yeah. When really it should be us who's milking Marv.
Esmeralda: Totally. We are the milkers.
Ned: What's in this box? (shakes box) Is it a secret?
Mare: No, no, no, don't touch that. Don't touch that. No, no, no, that's my gun.
Travis: I thought we were gonna be a team. You would lie and deceive, and I would watch, and just try to be okay...
(Ken and Esmeralda trying to think of an idea for a number game)
Ken: Don't look at me for ideas. Go on then. Slap me.
Esmeralda: What?
Ken: Slap me. Let's jar something loose.
Esmeralda: I like that.
(Esmeralda slaps Ken's face).
Ken: Ay! Yes! Wow.Number slaps. Number bungalow. Number wack-a. Number thack-a. Number. Number. Number Dash. Number Dash.
Esmeralda: Oh, my gosh. I like that. Number Dash.
Ken: We made it. Number Dash.
Esmeralda: Number Dash. (types it into her phone) There are forty-five other Number Dashes already out there.
Ken: Come on, Kenneth. Think, man!
Ken: I mean, I wouldn't say racism per se. I mean, racism, on the whole is supposed to be negative. And this is more sort of pandering.
Ned: I've never met a dad before. My college girlfriend had two moms.
Travis: I will now be resigning as a reportorial-style journalist, effective immediately for moral reasons. Here's my press pass, homemade.
Ned: Thought I took that already.
Travis: Yeah, well they're pretty easy to make.
Notes and Trivia
None
Goofs
None
Locations
Details about common locations, such as opening credits montage locations,
can be found here.
None
Cast
| Domhnall Gleeson | Ned Sampson |
| Sabrina Impacciatore | Esmeralda Grand |
| Chelsea Frei | Mare Pritti |
| Melvin Gregg | Detrick Moore |
| Gbemisola Ikumelo | Adelola Olofin |
| Alex Edelman | Adam Cooper |
| Ramona Young | Nicole Lee |
| Tim Key | Ken Davies |
| Eric Rahill | Travis |
| Duane R. Shepard Sr. | Barry |
| Oscar Nunez | Oscar Martinez |
| Lisa Gilroy | Lisa Graysh |
| Matthew Glave | Jeff Pritti |
| Allan Havey | Marv Putnam |
| Nancy Lenehan | Ann Putnam |
| Mila Eve Church | Young Mare |
| Jeff Doba | Dino Rid |
