S02E04 - Impressing a Cop

Esmeralda: Frankenstein in a tub. Scary? Not. But more nudity than I expected. He was stitched together from dead people.

Esmeralda's a good writer, but she makes spelling mistakes, coming from Norway.

People aren't going to sh**t g*ns during work hours without me.

The paper needs the police. We need them. We feed off their tips like a parasitic... What's more noble than a parasitic worm?

I will be saying certain things to them to make sure that they like us. So just play along. Budweiser. Perps. Three fifty-seven. Coors. Coors.

This little shorty here is Mare. She's cool.

Ned: Mare here has popped more caps than a milliner.

Radio's pretty cool, especially classic rock. The Eagles, am I right?

Nicole: Hey, Lola. Free for lunch? Adelola: You got a lot of nerve coming back here.

Travis: There's way worse diseases than rabies out there. You ever heard of the Black Death?

I heard that you have been bitten by a rat. What a weird thing to happen to a man. They usually eat garbage. Are you garbage, Ned?

Who was the real victim here? Ned with the g*n, or the little rat, who was probably a single parent?

Adam: I did get a vasectomy. Remember? I went to the best surgeon in Ensenada. It's next to the fish taco place. They went in through my back. Laparoscopic. I woke up in a bath of ice holding a margarita.

I don't know why he's not more excited... Unless... he lied.

Ned: Is that's the shot?

Terry Gross: So, Esmeralda, in order to challenge people's stereotypes, you wrote about a halfway house. But you wrote about it satirically, as if it were a haunted house that wasn't very successful at scaring people.

My thoughts were a dead bride, crying blood, and maybe a clown with a huge knife. But now, I would say maybe, I think, more social workers.

Now, if there's any reason you don't want this strong woman to plunge a giant needle into your stomach, I feel like now's the time to say something.

Ned: I need to prevent rabies. Because of my rat bite. So do it. Just do it, do it, do it. Come on, come on.