S01E04 - TTT vs the Blogger

Travis: Is there like a way we could come to your school and shadow you for a bit?

Davey: How do you expect you can survive with so much waste?

Travis says that a byline is a reporter's name at the beginning of an article, but isn't a byline like the article's very last line? It's like, "Bye"?

Davey: He's in the grade above me and he has 300,000 subscribers. Ned: Did you say 300 or 3000? Davey: Oh, 300,000. Ned: Good God.

Just because I'm writing for the paper doesn't mean I want to be a part of this documentary. I don't. And I realize that sitting here talking to you, may send a confused message. So let me be ultra-clear, the only reason I am doing this is to promote my art and leisure beat.

Esmeralda: A bully is the worst thing you can be. This is really humiliating for you, right?

Esmeralda: Look at your eyes. Scary like a goat. Ned: That's not a fair description. I've got perfectly human eyes.

Detrick: I thought it would be fun to carve a bird for Nicole. I've never carved anything before, but I had some free time over the weekend, so I watched a, a two-hour YouTube video a couple times, ordered the right kind of knives, and after a few tries, I was pretty happy with it.

Detrick: I don't think she likes pine. Travis: It's not the wood. It's the woodsman.

Travis: A hand-carved bird? You might as well have carved her an engagement ring.

Wesley: "Flammable" and "inflammable" are the same.

Hi. Ciao. This is Esmeralda Grand, managing editor of TTT Online, very cool, very sexy, very innovative. I want to apologize for Ned. He resents children because he can't have any of his own. He sat on a stove in high school. And it was on.

The two types of media work completely differently. You have a blog, one person reads it. That's it. You have a paper... They might leave that in a coffee shop. Someone else comes in, they read it, take it with them. They leave it on the bus. Now you've got two people reading it. Someone else picks that up. Three people. That person's homeless, they wrap themselves in it at night. Can't wrap yourself in a blog.

(Ned, checking to see if he has eyes like a goat, as Esmeralda said...)

Esmeralda: He's a threat to your paper. Like, if there's no Truth Teller, who is going to preserve ethics in journalism, and truth, and all that other sh*t that you say?

Esmeralda: We cut his brakes and then what happens after is in the hand of God.

Mare: I auditioned for Anna, the lead in The King And I? Mr. K: Ah. You remind me of a young Tyne Daly. But you know who got that part? Our dear, dear Allison Page. Just a delightful little songbird.

A lot of people felt like she only got that part because her parents donated that fog machine. Would that had anything to do with your decision-making?

Esmeralda: We convince him his father is not his real father. Kids hate that.

Esmeralda: We smear a little dog sh*t on his retainer. Just a little teaspoon. Ned: How would we get into his...? Esmeralda: Through the window.

Esmeralda: We give him Lyme disease. I think I have the right kind of ticks.

I actually think it's quite good that Esmeralda and Ned are getting on so well. Really good. Good for business. But is it good? Really? I mean, Esmeralda and Ned don't really gel, would be my one thought. Whereas, of course, for example, Esmeralda and I... Well, we share a certain European sophistication.

Which tape? Oh, you mean this tape. Um, so this is for my headaches, you know? So the tape pulls back the pain.

Ned: We just need a believable press release. Okay, so... Um... Layoffs? Potential upcoming layoffs at Corning Glass. Esmeralda: Wow. Incredible. Such a perfect level of bland. How do you do that?

Ned: Are you sure Joanna Pringlebottom sounds like the real head of PR of Corning Glass?

Ken: How are you letting a child beat you to this? Ned: No, no, Ken. I'm the one beating the child.

Did I go too far? What is too far? Is it using the power of the press to disgrace a high schooler? That's probably too far. And I think I went it.

I read a great quote the other day that I wanted to share with you guys. "The courage in journalism is sticking up for the unpopular, not the popular."

Ned: The most important part of any article is the byline. You get one reputation in this life. Protect it, at all costs. Student: Who said this? Ned: Geraldo Rivera.

Travis: I like to come up here to fly the drone. This is like therapy to me. I also go to regular therapy, but this is awesome. It's just so beautiful up here, man. I-- Oh... All right, Detrick.